


Through

by jeongyeonasaur



Category: TWICE - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 09:31:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18258572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeongyeonasaur/pseuds/jeongyeonasaur
Summary: It’s when we’re our weakest that we see our strengths.





	Through

It was hard, actually. To be the most dependable one. To be the one taking care if the rest. To be the most emotionally strong and stable. To be the source of strength of everyone. To be the one who will lift them up when they’re down. To be the one who is always strong. It’s hard. Any maybe that’s why right after debuting, Jeongyeon had already figured out that she won’t be showing much softness anymore.

 

It was okay. At first. Taking care of everyone was not a burden for her. No, actually, it was something she loved doing. From making sure Nayeon is not bawling her eyes out to reminding Tzuyu about the stuff she needs to bring. It was all okay for Jeongyeon. Even though at times, the members think that she’s a bit of a nagger, she shrugs it off and continues to do her job.

 

Being the mom figure of the group is not an easy task. First, Jeongyeon mediates every argument the girls will have. And mostly it’s about the food they will order. She needs to make sure that every request is put into consideration and that there will be no hard feelings after. Second is making sure that every member is healthy. Often times, she reminds Dahyun to stop eating ramen every single time. Reminding, or rather forcing, Momo to drink water because she needs to be hydrated and soda is not a healthy option. And then making sure Mina does not rot in her bed, which can actually happen because it’s Mina. Lastly, Jeongyeon needs to be everyone’s backbone. When Nayeon is crying, she will wipe her tears. When Jihyo is doubting herself, she will reassure the younger girl about her capabilities. When Momo is not feeling well, she will take care of her roommate. When Sana’s down, she’ll make sure that she’ll lift her up. Everything negative, she transforms into positive.

 

Jeongyeon is best at what she does. And that’s exactly what bothers her. She’s everyone’s source of strength. She helps everyone. She fixes everyone.

 

_But who will fix me?_

 

It was a difficult question to answer. Jeongyeon had been the strongest among them since debut days and she only broke her walls once. It was when she got injured at Law of the Jungle. She felt like she became a burden. She couldn’t clean the dorm, she carry Momo when the latter is scared. She couldn’t run to the convenience store to buy them food when there’s no more stock left. She felt useless. And so when she completely recovered, she built her walls bigger than the last time. Stronger than before. And no one had seen her weak since then.

 

A knock disturbs Jeongyeon’s trail of worries. “Come in,” she says. The door creeks and Chaeyoung’s head pops in.

 

“Unnie...” the younger girl says. She gestures her hand for Chaeyoung to come in.

 

She was sitting on the bed while Momo was on the floor, scrolling through her phone, “Why, Chae? You need something?”

 

The younger girl sits beside her and hugs Jeongyeon, “I’m sad, Unnie.”

 

“Why?” she wraps her arms around Chaeyoung and pats her head. This is exactly why she never lets her guard down. If she’s weak, from whom will the girls get strength from?

 

“I can’t seem to write good songs these days,” Chaeyoung answers. Jeongyeon sighs and looks up the ceiling, “I don’t know what to do.”

 

Momo looks at the two and then meets Jeongyeon’s eyes.

 

If there is one thing that somehow scares Jeongyeon, it’s Momo. She feels as if though Momo can see through her. Like she’s an open book and that scares her. She doesn’t like being read by other people. Nayeon and Jihyo can’t see through her walls and they’ve been friends long before Momo even came. So how come Momo can see through her? And the worse, she does not say anything. Momo will just look at her and then keep quiet.

 

_Can you see me, Momo?_

 

“You should take a break first, Chaeyoung. It’s not good to force the lyrics out of you. Just relax and it’ll come, okay?” she looks away from Momo and messes Chaeyoung’s hair.

 

Chaeyoung breaks the hug and smiles, “Thanks, Jeongyeon-unnie. You always know what to say.” The younger girl skips out of the room and closes the door, leaving Jeongyeon and Momo alone again.

 

Jeongyeon sighs and looks at Momo, who was still looking at her, “What?” she asks. Momo shakes her head and returns her eyes on her phone.

 

~

 

Another day and the girls are resting inside their dorm. But for Jeongyeon, it was a heavy day. She feels off. She feels like she’s not performing enough. She feels weak, like she’s the hole in the group. It was painful in the heart to think about it but she cannot stop. She doesn’t know how.

 

Her walls, the walls she built by herself, are slowly shattering and she’s scared to admit it to herself. Because for the past two years, she’s been the strongest among them. She doesn’t want to burden the other members.

 

But the truth is, Jeongyeon is at the brink of her breaking point. She’s just keeping it together because she’s afraid that no one will be there when she finally releases it. She’s not used to being the weak one, no. She’s the backbone of the group and she shouldn’t be weak. That’s what’s keeping her walls up. Even though inside, it’s already a wreck.

 

For once, Jeongyeon wants a person, whoever it is, even a fan, to ask her sincerely of how she is. But she’s also afraid that she might break when she hears the question. It was a paradox, her situation right now. She wants someone to help her but she does not ask for help. She wants someone to see her but she hides herself.

 

She hugs her pillow and buries her face on it. Sitting on the bed with her knees close to her chest and her back against the head board. Jeongyeon was slowly losing it. She’s been feeling off for quite some time now and her sisters are busy so she can’t really bother them. The girls are all doing their thing, leaving Jeongyeon with no choice but to keep it to herself and pray that she does not break.

 

Jeongyeon hears the door of their room open and then close. The hears the lock click and then she feels the bed dip, signaling a weight of a person was on it. She does not raise her head. How could she when her tears are falling? Jeongyeon knows what she needs.

 

_I need someone to save me from this._

 

It was then when she felt a hand on her knee, “Jeongyeon, I’m here.” Her eyes shoots open, her heart begins to beat rapidly, “I’m here for you.”

 

She slowly looks up. Jeongyeon meets Momo’s eyes. The same eyes she looks at every night before she turns around and cries herself to sleep.

 

Momo spreads her arms, smiling at Jeongyeon, “You can cry to me.” That was it. That single sentence was the last straw and Jeongyeon wrapped her arms around Momo and cried her heart out, “It’s okay, Jeongyeon. You can let it all out. I’ll be here.”

 

It was nice. It was warm. To have someone whom she can cry on. “I’m sorry,” she says on repeat. Momo runs her fingers on Jeongyeon hair, not saying a word. “I’m sorry for being like this,” she says. “I’m being useless,” she sobs.

 

“No, you’re not. You’re doing an amazing job,” Momo whispers. Jeongyeon hugs her tighter and cries harder. Years of keeping it all inside finally caught up to her and now, it’s like a tidal wave continuously crashing.

 

“I’m weak, Momo. I don’t know where to get strength from,” she admits. Which is true, actually. She’s all dried up after all the years of giving strength to others. It left her empty.

 

_I feel empty._

 

“Get it from me,” Momo answers her. Jeongyeon looks up, her eyes filled with tears, “I can give you the strength you want whenever you need it.”

 

“But..”

 

“I’m serious. I know you take care of me all the time. You take care of us. But who will take care if you?” Jeongyeon does not answer. She does not know the answer herself. She’s been asking that question for the past two years. “Let me, Jeongyeon.”

 

“How?” she buries her face on Momo’s neck. Enjoying the warmth she never got the chance to experience. It was always her giving the warmth to others and never the other way around.

 

“Just like this,” Momo pulls her closer. “When we’re outside, you can be the strong Jeongyeon everyone knows. But here, in our room. You can be just you. Let yourself free inside these four walls. I’ll be your strength in here. I’ll be your backbone this time,” she closes her eyes, loving the weak state she is in.

 

_I want this._

 

Momo fixes their position and lies down gently, still with Jeongyeon wrapped around her and vice versa, “You can recharge here when we’re alone, Jeongyeon. You’re not alone in this. I’ll help.”

 

Jeongyeon nods and hugs tighter, if possible. She smiles to herself. Finally, her silent cries for help were heard and it feels good. It feels good to be able to show her weak side and just be Jeongyeon, the normal person who needs to be taken care of too.

 

“Thank you, Momo,” she whispers against Momo’s neck. The Japanese girl chuckles and plays with her hair.

 

“For what?”

 

“For seeing this part of me,” Jeongyeon feels the weight on her shoulders being lifted up.

 

“No. Thank you for letting me see it,” Momo answers. Jeongyeon smiled again, her heart swelling from the words Momo just said.

 

_Thank you for saving me._


End file.
